Return

2/04/2025

Ok, but like what do we even do? Things in the US are bad... really bad. I'm not in a position, nor have I the resources for the most obvious forms of direct action. I could leave messages for politicans, but I can't be confident they'll reach anyone's ears. Besides, I'm in a red state. They all have a vested interest in falling in line. What do we even do? Spectate the downfall? Just hope that the "move fast and break things" attitude of the real decision maker in this country burns itself out and finds nothing accomplished apart from a large mess? What the fuck do we even do? This really does feel like the real beginning of the end.

It's selfish but the only thing that even approaches soothing my political anxiety is the fact that I personally am not in a lot of danger at the moment. I've got a stable job in a blue city, I have a robust support network of friends and family, and I am a white (currently) "cis-male passing" person. I could go stealth if needed, and probably even continue taking HRT (though my access to it will likely be threatened). I have my comfort things and I will have what I need to survive if not thrive. But, I am extraordinarily lucky, and my stable job could be taken from me if the state puts pressure on the city. The future of America is less certain than it's ever been and I'm terrified. It feels like I'm doing nothing. On the national scale that certainly feels true, but I'm not doing nothing. I'm taking my E and spiro, I'm going into work, I'm eating food and drinking fluids, I'm writing daily on this blog, I'm trying to be available to my friends to talk to and hopfully take some comfort in, and none of that is really nothing.

The next few months are going to be hard. Not just because of the political uncertainty, but I've basically decided to redo puberty, but right this time, during what might just wind up being the most stressful period in my life. I'm moving in about 2 months, the economy is circling the drain, and the political turbulance threatens to eradicate as much of my existence as it possibly can. This feels like the end of the world as I know it, but I do not feel fine.

I wrote that last night immediately before going to bed. I feel a little better having slept and ate now, and plan on going through the motions of contacting my representatives about various issues; both by phone and by letter. It might not do anything but make me feel like I'm doing somthing, but then it's worth doing for my own sake. On a marginally lighter note, one of the ways I processes difficult emotions is finding people or things that mirror them. Whether it be a friend I can vent to, or a song I can listen to, or a movie I can watch, I find having my feelings externally validated by seeing them reflected back at me from some external source really helps me work through them. Since I'm a film buff here's some movies that have been on my mind that can fill this role if you feel the same way:

V for Vendetta:A pretty self explanatory pick as a dystopic fiction narrative about a revolutionary that overthrows a theocratic dictatorship
Jojo Rabbit: A Nazi hating comedy that emphasizes empathy even for the most privileged in authoritarian societies
Jupitar Ascending: a very silly movie about space capitalists exploiting space bureaucracy in order to wrest power away from the rightful queen of Earth
The Matrix Quadrilogy: yes, all of them. I always come back to that Morpheus speech from the beginning of Reloaded in troubled times: "I remember that I am here not because of the path that lies before me but because of the path that lies behind me. I remember that for 100 years we have fought these machines. I remember that for 100 years they have sent their armies to destroy us, and after a century of war I remember that which matters most... We are still here!"

So anyway, there's my 2¢ for the day. Times are hard but I'll endure. I hope my less privileged trans and queer siblings, and marginalized neighbors can get the support they need weather this maelstrom too. We are here because of the paths that lie behind us. We have always fought oppression and injustice, as it has always existed. Remember: we are still here!